Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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