honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
