Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
