there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
