He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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