dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
