we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
they're like a gay fantastic four
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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