two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
