God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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