OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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