Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
