Where is the hickey?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
