You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize