that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
