Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
