If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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