meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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