What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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