I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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