My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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