just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
