dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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