why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
