she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
