This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
