I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
