Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
