I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
