I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
