i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
