nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So. Much. Porn.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
