I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
