a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
