walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize