shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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