you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
