Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
