Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
