All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
