well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
