I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
