Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
