Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
