dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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