But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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