Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
