she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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