did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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