i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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