gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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