I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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