remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
