I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
