"it" just moved
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hippo gnu deer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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