I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I stole a fireplace last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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