I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the day after is always just damage control
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
