I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
