Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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