just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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