yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
