Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
