New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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