I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize