Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
