So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
