About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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