just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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