I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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