my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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