We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
