She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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