everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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